Everyone knows that George Bernard Shaw, a proponent of spelling reform, pointed out that “fish” can be spelled “ghoti.” Along with a lot of what everyone knows, it’s wrong. “Ghoti” does not appear in any of Shaw’s writings. So where does it come from? And why does it make some people mad?

All the necessary research is making me hungry, so I’ll have to decide what to get when I go out for lunch—and how to spell it.

In 1855, one Charles Ollier wrote a long letter to Leigh Hunt. In it, he mentioned that his 31-year-old son William had devised a new way to spell fish: ghoti. I have seen several explanations, including GH as in enough, O as in women, and TI as in nation.

Pedants point out that “ti” can be pronounced as “sh” only before a vowel. That and other standard patterns of spelling and pronunciation make it impossible for ghoti ever to spell fish in English. Others object that telling struggling readers that ghoti spells fish can only make it harder for them to learn to read and write English.

Come on, people!

William Ollier was having fun. No self-respecting teacher would ever spring that spelling on struggling students. Once students become comfortable enough with reading and writing to develop a love of words—like you, probably­­––then they’ll appreciate facetious spellings of other words.

Years ago, I discovered that “potatoes” can be spelled ghoughghteighpteaux: GH as in hiccough, OUGH as in though, GHT as in night, EIGH as in neighbor, PT as in ptomaine, and EAUX as in beaux.

Hungry anyone?

Some fast-food menu choices

How many of these common items can you figure out without looking at the solutions at the end of the post?

Fish and potatoes are called phych (1) and tchoghc (2) in some restaurants, but with other meals, potatoes appear on the menu board as pphrhoisth (3).

Lots of people order some kind of swaidnleuyti (4) on a bbwogn (5), perhaps teeicchomn (6) or a pbearghour (7)—with or without tschisiscz (8). I like slaybtbtoish (9) and thagmaighedew (10) on mine.

You can have chtis (11) or cqalftftaeae (12) if you like. I’ll have a psaoghght (13) bdwreendk (14).

Remember to dress casually but appropriately. After all, no chswox (15), no scholotte (16), no sterrezvusc (17)

Solutions

1. fish: PHY as in physics + CH as in machine (ghoti isn’t the only way to spell it!)
2. chips: TCH as in watch + O as ub women + GH as in hiccough + C as in center
3. fries: PPH as in sapphire + RH as in rhythm + OI as in choir + STH as in asthma
4. sandwich: SW as in sword + AI as in plaid + DN as in Wednesday + LD as in solder + U as in persuade + Y as in myth + TI as in bastion
5. bun: BB as in ebb + WO as in twopence + GN as in gnome
6. chicken: TE as in righteous + EI as in counterfeit + CCH as in zucchini + O as in awesome + MN as in mnemonic
7. burger: PB as in cupboard + EAR as in earl + GH as in ghost + OUR as in adjourn
8. cheese: TSCH as in putsch + IS as in debris + CZ as in czar
9. lettuce: SL as in aisle + AY as in says + BT as in debt (twice, of course)+ OI as in porpoise + SH as in dishonest
10. tomato: TH as in thyme + A as in tuna + GM as in phlegm + AIGH as in straight + ED as in dressed + EW as in sew
11. tea: CHT as in yacht + IS as in debris
12. coffee: CQ as in acquire + AL as in talk + FT as in soften (doubled) + AE as in algae (doubled)
13. soft: PS as in psalm + OA as in broad + GH as in laugh + GHT light
14. drink: BD as in bdellium + WR as in wrong + EE as in breeches + NDK as in handkerchief
15. no shoes: CHS as in fuchsia + WO as in two +X as in xylophone
16. no shirt: SCH as in schist + OLO as in colonel + TTE as in gazette
17. no service: ST as in listen + ERRE as in interred +ZV as in rendezvous + U as in minute + SC as in scene